Important or Urgent?

I am ever so optimistically proud of myself so far this week. I feel like I’ve accomplished a lot in the name of my new year’s resolution on several fronts, and I’ve found a new tool.

Is this important or urgent? 

This is my new mantra. Sometimes it can be both, but sometimes something is just urgent while being really unimportant in the grand scheme of life. I like my new mantra. It’s helping me come to grips with my standards and expectations with a whole new perspective.

For one, I have bagged up 195 clothing items to take to Goodwill. And if it would stop with the the rainy drizzle, I might actually even manage to get everything dropped off this week too. I can’t even go into why there were 195 unnecessary clothing items in my home. There just isn’t a good answer to be found… kids grow, adults lose weight and change sizes, but none of it lets me off the hook for the amount of clutter we have been collecting in our closets. Shame on me.

Two, I threw away (THREW AWAY) three pairs of flip flops, multiple orphaned socks, and ratty underwear. Normally I do not throw clothing items away. I didn’t think I had that bone in my body, always thinking someone somewhere might find my worn out things useful. We even use old t-shirts in the garage for messy projects (for crying out loud!), but this is one of the many lies I’ve decided to finally retire.

My crud is literally just crud, toss it, move on.

Three, daughter has eaten at school for the last few days and NO ALLERGY EMERGENCIES have emerged so far!!!

Actually this totally should be number one in the scheme of things, but I digress. It took some Lamaze breathing on my part, a grandparent standing by when I wasn’t within a half minute drive of the school, and several antsy communications to pre-warn her teacher of possible impending doom, but the triumphant smile on my daughters face after her first day of being just like all the other kids in her class was priceless.

I have since then thanked all the ladies involved in watching out for my daughter’s well-being (in person), and call me romantic, but I believe these women are honestly looking out for her best interests. God has certainly blessed us in this arena.

Four, I went to my son’s first spelling bee last week. I didn’t think it would be that big of a deal for me personally, and had even tried to reign in his enthusiasm in the hopes of diverting a broken heart when he ultimately didn’t win the bee. Can we say buzz kill? Instead I lost about three years off my own life while I held my breath the entire time my child took his turn, every time. I was more proud of his efforts to remain calm and master his nerves than I can possibly express, and my little boy came in FOURTH place!

No, he did not out and out win, but he was the top boy speller in the whole school (since the top three were all girls). This little fact of gender has put my son on cloud nine and forced me to reassess my instincts. Yes, we worked on preparing for the spelling bee, quizzing him at dinner times and talking about how to channel your own sense of calm, but in the end it was my son who made the extra effort. He’s the one who wrote all the words on the preparatory list one last time the day before the bee.

Even more amazing, he’s the only child who managed to spell a word he couldn’t pronounce. I’m still at a loss for how you manage to spell a word you can’t say, but he did. And I am the proudest parent on the planet. I doubt I could be prouder if he had actually won first place. We’ve made a huge deal of his success at home and to channel my beloved Harry Potter, my son is definitely head boy by my standards.

So there it is, a good start to the week (and I didn’t even mention my son’s plans to have a chef salad today for lunch). I’m learning to focus on the important instead of the urgent, and miraculously it seems to highlight the good things in my life.

The muddy dog foot prints seem urgent, but really they just aren’t that important.

Noticing my daughter and husband curled up watching cartoons together yesterday… totally important, although not remotely urgent.

You see… I’m getting the hang of it slowly. Grandma Moo Cows would be proud, and that is really saying something.

 

 

 

New Year’s Resolutions and a follow-up

Lately I’ve been thinking about my self-diagnosed case of adult on-set ADHD. I don’t know if I can blame being a busy mom or if I feel even busier because of my inability to remain focused, but I imagine this is ultimately a “chicken or the egg” type of conundrum.

Also FYI, we found the two missing library books. One was hidden in the one tote bag I didn’t ransack the day I turned the house upside down (because I didn’t find the bag), but the other was hiding, HIDING I tell you… in the bookshelf in the playroom. Yes, I know what you are thinking. How dare a book do the inconsiderate thing of putting itself away properly!!!

Did I trust my children when they said they looked on the bookshelf? Yes, I did. My mistake.

Was this search for “hidden” books a symbol of how we live our lives in our house? I’m sorry to say, it probably is.

And so I’ve realized that something has to change. And that something mostly likely will have to start with me. I have recognized that I am constantly left feeling frazzled and less than focused. Too many times I have walked around the house looking for something that I should know where I put it, or I have remembered putting something away in the “perfect place” to later realize I have no earthly idea where said object is hiding.

Realistically it is time to admit that I’m doing too much, stretching my focus too far, and leaving myself and my family to suffer for my shortcomings. I’ve got to learn how to say “NO” and mean it. No more guilt, no more regret. I have limits, I am only human, and God still loves me even though I’m just little old me.

So that’s my super small, super easy new year’s resolution for 2011. I’m going to learn how to say “no” with a smile on my face and without letting guilt and remorse weasel their way into my heart. Yes, I would like to do everything possible for everyone, but no it isn’t going to happen. At best I’m going to make a lot of promises and fall short on most of them. So I’m choosing door number three. I want to be the woman who says yes to very little, but performs spectacularly on those few things.

If God has a sense of humor, he must be rolling around up there as he watches type A, wound tight me trying to reign in my perfectionism and “take charge” personality. I’m going to need His humor when I start saying (and meaning) these “no, thank you” responses to church and school and kids and friends and family. This is a resolution that is really going to really test me, but I’m going to do my best.

Romans 9:28

“God doesn’t count us: he calls us by name. Arithmetic is not his focus.”

The Irony of Recycling

At the beginning of each year, I get all jazzed to “pair down”. I know this is just how my brain works each January after a crazed December of giving and getting. During this time of year, it is not unheard of for me to stock up on the latest tomes from the local library on cutting clutter for the organizationally challenged individuals. I should note, however, that while I may hunt for the elusive “fix” for all my disorganization, I am obviously not alone. The library is constantly acquiring new books for me to peruse on the subject for any nuggets of wisdom I might not have already heard.

But my lack of success in this arena is not the issue at the moment though. My issue is that it appears I have lost a book called Reduce, Reuse, Recycle from the library. I find this ironic, since I swear I have a memory of returning it last week along with several other books. But the library checked their stacks and my friendly librarian can’t find it either, so currently the fault is lying at my door. 

What’s worse is that I didn’t even read the stinking book. It was a little yellow book with the recycling triangle on the front, and my daughter liked the picture on the cover and took it home to enjoy looking at the rest of its pictures. No one actually read the darn thing, and yet I am ripping through the house trying to figure out where it could have been misplaced.

I find this entire situation ironic. Perhaps if I had the read the little yellow book in the first place, I might not find myself in this current predicament?

New Years, Potties, and Perceptions

Recently in Beth Moore bible study focused on gaining wisdom, I was challenged to change my perspective on my life interactions. We discussed the concept that we are, as individuals, in charge of how we choose to view the world and our personal interactions. In theory this all sounds quite reasonable, but in practice I find it is sometimes harder than it sounds to change my inner monologue.

Today, for example, has not gone nearly anything like I planned… computer files playing hide and seek, persnickety programs, a medical resources tango, and a daughter itching to get to her scheduled afternoon play date have left me in a down in the dumps kind of mood.  The world isn’t coming to an end, but I’m finding these unexpected challenges emotionally draining today. Unfortunately recognizing this and changing my perceptions are not so easily interchangeable.

So instead I’m going to take a break, have a corndog with the world’s best daughter, and remind myself to laugh at the idiosyncrasies of life.

For example yesterday the above mentioned daughter cried in my lap because her very mean, very bossy big brother told her she could not clean the potty, because he had already completed said task. Yes, there were actual tears spilled over whether certain individuals would be allowed to enjoy scrubbing the porcelain water closet. In the end, windows were washed, rooms were vacuumed, surfaces were swiped, half a container of sanitizing wipes were used, and the whole house smelled of disinfectant.

Would I swear the bathrooms were thoroughly cleaned? Probably not. Did the kids attack the dirt and grime with gusto? Absolutely. Did I ever think I would have to mediate a squabble over who is privileged enough to clean the potty? Never.

So there we have it. Life is weird and wholly unexpected.

 

Galatians 5:22 (The Message)

But what happens when we live God’s way? He brings gifts into our lives, much the same way that fruit appears in an orchard---things like affection for others, exuberance about life, serenity. We develop a willingness to stick with things, a sense of compassion in the heart, and a conviction that a basic holiness permeates things and people.